By Imam Murtadha Gusau
Sunday, 22/09/2024
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all the worlds. May His blessings and benedictions be upon the Messenger, his household and companions.
Dear brothers and sisters! Please let’s ask ourselves an important question, is complaining an effective strategy for solving our problems? Will complaining improve our situation? Do others enjoy listening to us complain? The answer to all three questions is NO. Then why do people always complain?
There are a number of reasons a person complains. He or she may be looking for sympathy, looking for assistance, looking for support, or just letting off steam. There are also people who are habitual complainers who are never satisfied or content.
In the case of sympathy, there is an erroneous assumption that if enough other people feel sorry for them, it will somehow improve the complainer’s situation. All that will be accomplished is that others will grow tired of their moaning and give them a wide berth. Everyone has their own problems and very few people want to spend their discretionary time listening to the tales of woe of others.
Sympathy seekers tend to dwell on their problems rather than seeking solutions. When potential solutions are presented, they invariably find fault with and summarily dismiss them. These complainers seek attention and monopolise conversations. They look for opportunities to show how their plight is worse than everyone else’s.
Spending time with sympathy seekers can be draining. They are consumed with their own situation and show little or no interest in other people. Regardless of how good you may feel, a gripe session with a sympathy seeker will depress your mood.
Some complainers are looking for assistance in solving a problem. In this case they are interested in advice that will lead to a solution. The danger here is that they will indiscriminately seek guidance from anyone. In their attempt to overcome an obstacle, they will try virtually any remedy offered without considering the qualifications of the source.
Following bad advice can exacerbate a problem. Advice seekers that jump from one bad suggestion to another will become frustrated as they fail to solve their problem. The result is the erroneous conclusion that their situation has no solution.
Complainers in search of advice must be very selective in whom they approach. Only those who have successfully solved similar problems or who have appropriate expertise should be sought out. When the right person is identified, they should be asked for advice directly rather than complaining to them.
Perhaps a complainer is looking for support. They may be overwhelmed by unexpected events or overloaded with responsibilities. This type of complainer is likely looking for help rather than advice. If you are so inclined, offer to lend a hand.
Even when they are helped out, some complainers always wind up in another crisis situation. Helping them out again will only improve their situation temporarily. Without a change in strategy, they will soon become immersed in another crisis.
Complainers who are incessant whiners find fault with virtually everything. They complain about their lives, they complain about other people’s lives, they complain about the weather, they complain about politics, they complain about religion, they complain about society, etc. Everything they comment on is flawed. All of life is tainted. Their glass is always half empty and probably leaking. These people are not happy unless they are unhappy.
Whiners and complainers will never be satisfied. They don’t want sympathy, solutions, or help. They just want to complain. These people will never change, and their minds are closed to new ideas. Your only option is to limit exposure to their griping.
Complaining is unproductive and destructive. If you have problems, find solutions. If you need help, ask. Occasional complaining to seek understanding or let off steam is ok. But don’t make it a way of life or a topic of every conversation.
Suffering from health issues, especially chronic illnesses, can make a person lose patience and resort to complaining.
Respected brothers and sisters! Abraham Lincoln once said:
“You can complain because roses have thorns or you can rejoice that the thorns have roses.”
Most people fall into the first category of complainers: always visualising the negativity in any situation and despairing when things don’t go the way they plan. Very few consciously choose to see things from a different/positive perspective. Life is a fascinating cocktail of events, good and bad, with rejoicing and grieving, achievements and failures. But our attitude towards these situations decides the impact they have in our life, constructive or destructive.
A study conducted by Robert Sapolsky, a neuroendocrinologist at Stanford University, found that even listening to someone else complain for 30 minutes resulted in elevated levels of a stress hormone called cortisol.
And from an Islamic perspective, a believer must manifest beautiful patience in the face of trial, which means we must submit to Allah Almighty and be content as soon as it happens. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.” [Bukhari]
And Allah the Most High already informed us that our life will be full of tests, as this is part of the reason we were created. Allahm
“[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed – and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving,” [Qur’an, 67: 2]
In reality, every test is a blessing in disguise – it may be that a test is Allah’s way to bring you back to Him; it may be that a certain hardship draws you nearer to Him; it may be that a calamity you’ve suffered is a punishment that decreases your sins in the Hereafter. Rather than complaining, we should welcome our hardships for they are a sign that Allah Almighty loves us. Complaining creates resentment in the heart towards Allah Almighty and is a very unhealthy state of mind that only brings us more suffering.
Dear brothers and sisters! Complaining excessively can have negative effects on our mental health and overall well-being. In Islam, we are encouraged to be content with what we have and to trust in Allah’s plan for us. There are several Hadiths and verses in the Qur’an that emphasise the importance of being patient and avoiding excessive complaining.
One Hadith that comes to mind is narrated by Abu Hurairah, in which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said:
“A believer is not stung twice from the same hole.” [Bukhari]
This means that a believer should learn from their experiences and be patient, rather than repeatedly complaining about the same issue.
Another relevant Hadith is narrated by Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud, in which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said:
“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” [Bukhari]
This reminds us that the difficulties we face in life can be a means of expiating our sins and increasing our rewards in the Hereafter, so we should be patient and grateful to Allah.
In the Qur’an, Allah Almighty says:
“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient ones. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” [Qur’an, 2:155-156]
This verse encourages us to be patient during times of difficulty and to trust in Allah’s plan.
I hope these Hadiths and Qur’anic verses help us to understand the importance of being patient and avoiding excessive complaining. May Allah guide us all to the right path and grant us contentment in our lives. Ameen.
Dear servants of Allah! Muslims need to realise that their constant need to complain has a simple and fundamental reason: a lack of a sense of contentment. In other words, dissatisfaction has taken the place of contentment in their hearts and as a result is reflected in all that they utter.
Scholars claim that the origin of contentment lies in a Muslim’s realisation that if Allah Almighty gives, they should accept, if He the Most High denies them, they should also accept, and if He Almighty calls on them, they should respond. To clarify this point, let us consider Ya’qub (AS), who lost his son Yusuf (AS) and was saddened to the extent that he lost his eyesight. Afterwards, he lost his son Binyamin. The logical consequence would be that his sadness would lead to depression and later on to despair. But contrary to the nature of things as we see them, it led to hope. He said:
“O my sons! Go you and enquire about Yusuf and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah’s Mercy, except the people who disbelieve.” [Qur’an, 12:87]
The Prophet (Peace be upon him) used to say:
“Oh, Allah, I ask you contentment in what you decree.”
This is the intention for being always prepared to accept wholeheartedly whatever Allah Almighty sends your way.
If you are a person, who is constantly complaining, then know that your constant complaint and criticism of all that is around you is the symptom of an ailment – that of not being satisfied or content with what Allah the Most High has decreed for you.
It is not to say that you cannot complain at all. But try to direct your complaint to the person it concerns, and sincerely. Do not just complain for the sake of complaining and do not make a complaint an ice-breaker or a topic of a discussion.
Count your blessings, and you will realise they are countless. Always look at the bright side of things. The faithful are those, who see the good in calamities. May we all be counted among those whom Allah Almighty is pleased with and may we be adorned with the characteristics of those of Paradise in this world and the Hereafter, Ameen.
Lastly, Maya Angelou said:
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. May the peace, blessings and salutations of Allah be upon our noble Messenger, Muhammad (Peace be upon him), and upon his family, his Companions and his true followers.
Murtadha Muhammad Gusau is the Chief Imam of: Nagazi-Uvete Jumu’ah Mosque; and Late Alhaji Abdur-Rahman Okene Mosque, Okene, Kogi State, Nigeria. He can be reached via: gusauimam@gmail.com; or +2348038289761.