By Michael West
A woman approached her pastor for prayers concerning marriage because she’s agitated as delay in getting a man was no longer taken lightly. While on her knees, the pastor asked why she wanted to marry. The question was rather funny as the woman and I burst into ribs cracking laughter. He went further to say “Why do you want to enter into ‘problem’ while you’re doing well on your own? Are you not aware that several married women are planning to exit their marriages because of daunting challenges they’re facing in it? You better stay calm and serve God peacefully as a single and satisfied woman. Don’t complain to me later about whatever you meet in marriage.” Meanwhile, the pastor spoke just to prank her. The truth is that every woman deserves and desires marriage!
The hue and cry for husbands again has become increasingly louder. Gone are the years when women were shy to talk about their need of men to marry. The facade has disappeared and the reality has set in.
It is no surprise that women have stepped up their game in search of husbands. In recent times, I have seen beautiful women advertising themselves on social media. “You can see my boobs, they’re moderate in size. See my butt (she turned her back to the camera), it is not bad. I’m light in complexion, average in height and nicely slim. I’m a single mother of one girl. That’s all I can say for now. If you are interested in me, please dm me. I’m available for a serious and responsible man only.” That’s one of the videos I have watched online.
Another model-like single woman danced her while her profile was running on the screen all through. She looks clean in her natural beauty. In my encounter with some of such ladies, they demonstrate maturity, patience and courtesy. They appear welcoming and hospitable. So far, none has portrayed herself as being desperate even as they fling open their flanks to entertain potential suitors.
Last week, star actress Eucharia Anunobi-Ekwu, 56, who was rumoured to be having a romantic affair with a 27-year-old man, told whoever cared to listen that she’s in need of a “complete man for marriage urgently.” The urgency is what underlines her need. But I think rather than messing around with young boys and in order to safe her image from avoidable scandal even now she claims to be a gospel minister, she desperately needs a man to fill the void and satisfy her emotional need and sexual urge.
Is it that there’s paucity of single men who are ready for marriage and the available ones are not enough to go round? A number of factors are responsible for why men appear to be in short supply. Economic factor is key. Financial ability of men to meet up with the responsibilities associated with marriage is a major factor. Besides all that is involved to fulfill rites and demands of wedding, the resources to finance the home in form of paying the bills, caring for the in-laws, feeding, family projects like owning a property, provision for children’s education and other vital obligations are the determinant factor.
In this age, men are no longer the sole financiers of their homes. It has become shared responsibilities with their spouses. Many of the single and searching women are engaged in businesses and paid jobs. It is one thing to be productive and gainfully employed or having thriving businesses but it is a different thing altogether for such women to be supportive in marriage. Some women don’t trust their men enough to invest their resources with them for fear of infidelity and irresponsibility. They argue that there are men who will never be transparent in their financial dealings with their spouses. “They will tell you cock and bull stories to explain their financial inadequacy to meet their obligations at homes whereas they have started having extramarital affairs. One day information will reach you that your husband has a child or children outside. At the end of the day, you have no choice than to live with the reality that he’s no longer ‘my husband’ but now ‘our husband.’
Men, too, have their fears. Not a few men will not be transparent to their women not only in financial matters but also in some plans and vital decisions. They justify their actions based on their experiences. They are of the opinion that “women would not relent until they make sure that the money they are aware of is spent to the last penny. Besides, they don’t joke with their own money. They won’t let you know even when they have. They are fond of saying their own money is solely to theirs but husbands’ money is ‘our money’. They taught men how to be secretive. They are selfish and could be unpredictably mean.” This speaker, a man of 42 years experience in marriage and who has been married twice acknowledged that his statement does not apply to every woman. “I want to agree that it is an individual habit,” he said.
Obviously, trust is a major issue in marriages where unity of purpose and operating one purse is lacking. Be that as it may, intending wives must be fully abreast of what it takes to run a successful family life. Some of the things they must factor into their plans include:
• Severance of every link with their ex-lovers that could lure them into extramarital affairs. If the ex has value and respect for matrimony, they could maintain a decent family relationship with their spouses fully in the know.
• They must determine to make their marriages work. Knowing full well that challenges and attitudinal differences would occur. The ability to manage the situation by not allowing it to get out of hand requires patience, tolerance and understanding their weaknesses.
• They should focus more on the strengths than weaknesses of their men. Recalling past misdeeds would rather refresh old wounds and create disaffection in the home.
• Mutual respect, trust and appreciation are needed tonic for bonding. Besides satisfactory sex and culinary ability, she must be accommodating especially to her in-laws and family friends.
• She must go into marriage with a man she truly loves and with whom she enjoys great confidence and friendship. When children come on the scene, her attention for the man must not be utterly affected. Such emotional neglect and distancing are silent issues rocking some troubled marriages.
There’s no doubting the fact that men that are prepared for marriage are not many in number compared to those who want women for casual relationships. Most of the single men (single dads inclusive) are willing to settle down if they can muster the economic strength to function as husbands and if their women are willing to cooperate with them to build the home together.
Men should not be intimidated by any display of class by women especially on social media. Many of what you see are mere packaging and tricks to marketing themselves to attract the best they can have. Natural beauty adorned with good character based on moral values are some of the indicators of a good wife-to-be. May you encounter your good match this weekend. Amen.
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