UK Driving Instructor, Matthew Peake, Shares Insights on Family Finances, Financial Independence and Marriage
The question of how couples manage family finances has become an increasingly important subject among African immigrants in the United Kingdom, particularly Nigerian families.
While some couples prefer a 50-50 arrangement, others operate a 60-40 system, with the man taking a larger share of the financial responsibility. Some families also maintain a more traditional arrangement in which the man assumes responsibility for virtually all household expenses.
But what does the reality look like for families in the UK?
In this exclusive interview with Bilesanmi Abayomi (KOKO), publisher of the Kosofe Post (KP), Matthew Peake (MP), a highly sought-after driving instructor in the UK who has been married for more than two decades, shares his experience of managing family finances, raising children and maintaining financial independence within marriage.
KP: Financial responsibility in relationships is a recurring issue in the UK, particularly among African immigrants, especially Nigerians.
Some couples believe in splitting expenses 50-50, while others operate a 60-40 arrangement, with the man taking 60 per cent. There are also those who believe the man should take full financial responsibility.
Recently, I was surprised to learn about a woman who works in two different places and transfers her monthly income directly into her partner’s account. When I asked whether it was some form of “charm marriage”, she said no—they had been operating that way even before relocating to the UK.
So, in the UK, how do couples generally handle their finances?
MP: Traditionally, particularly in the 1970s and 1980s, the man would go to work while the woman stayed at home to look after the children and manage the household. The man was responsible for earning the income and paying the bills, but the money was still considered to belong to both of them.
Today, different people have different financial arrangements that work for their relationships.
In my case, both my partner and I go to work because we both need to earn money. Finance is very important in this country because, ultimately, we all have to survive.
Whatever money we earn goes into one account. From that account, we pay our bills and take care of our expenses. Neither of us has to ask the other for permission before spending money.
However, we also save money separately for things such as holidays and other expenses.
When our children were younger, my wife stayed at home to look after them while I was responsible for earning the money. But the money was still her money because she could not go to work because she was looking after the children.
Looking after children is just as important as going to work.
Just because she could not go to work did not mean she was not entitled to the money. We are a family, and we share everything.
Sometimes we have good months and spend more. Other times, things become a little tight, and we reduce our spending.
It is not about the man taking full financial responsibility and then deciding what the woman can or cannot spend money on. That can become a form of control.
In this country, women are encouraged to be independent and earn their own money so they can pay their bills and remain financially secure without depending entirely on their partners.
When you completely rely on another person financially, you can become stuck because you may feel unable to leave a relationship where the other person controls the finances.
You may also find yourself unable to make your own decisions because you are not financially independent.
KP: What would be your advice to Africans living in the UK, particularly because financial disagreements have created many problems in relationships? How can couples find a balance?
MP: A relationship should not be based on finances alone. It is teamwork.
KP: Finances have triggered a lot of misunderstandings in relationships, sometimes leading to disrespect and eventually becoming an excuse for ending the relationship.
MP: Being independent is important, but you also have to recognise that your wife or partner contributes to the family in different ways.
Sometimes, one person has to stay at home to raise the children. If the family cannot financially afford for the wife to stay at home, then both partners may have to work because everything is about survival.
You have to work hard to survive in this country.
Your family should be about teamwork—pulling together towards achieving a common goal—not about saying, “I got this and you got that.”
For instance, my wife earns more money than I do. If, for whatever reason, she could no longer work, I cannot simply say, “That is not my problem. I am going to divorce you and find another wife.”
That would be financially irresponsible.
The same thing applies to financial independence. If your wife becomes financially independent and does not necessarily need you financially, that should not threaten the relationship.
We are not together because she financially needs me.
If anything, I would encourage her to get training, develop herself and become financially independent.
Marriage should not be a situation where one person deliberately keeps the other financially dependent in order to maintain control.
At the end of the day, you are partners. You are supposed to work together, support each other and build a life together.
It should be “our money, our family and our future”—not “my money versus your money.”